Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
