guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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