is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize