if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
