I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
