He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize