I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
