why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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