So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
