I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
