Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
