There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
