it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
