You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I supernannyed him into submission
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
