I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
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