I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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