I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
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