Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
