i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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