How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
