We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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