I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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