I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
