Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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