I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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