So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
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