Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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