thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
