I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
