He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
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