So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
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