just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
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