I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
