Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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