so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Randomize
