we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
