nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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