the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
