Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
