Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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