Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
