I can't watch pbs sober anymore
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
