My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
