At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
