I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Randomize
