we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
That accounts for only three of the penises
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Randomize
