Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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