Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
