I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
