a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
