I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize