I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize
