So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I need a burrito and a hug.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
