im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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