We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
