he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
