She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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