no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
My ATM looks so different sober.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
