it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize