i just google imaged poop.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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