You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
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