I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
